I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
