my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
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Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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