it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
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I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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