from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
