Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
