she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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