If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
