I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
