they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
