Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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