well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
