I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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