I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
