I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
