You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
