Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
