Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
