How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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