I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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