Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
