My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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