somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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