Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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