Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
