She is in my trunk
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
