Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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