Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
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Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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