My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
