He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
