Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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