Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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