A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
