i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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