Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
