My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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