i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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