just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
