i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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