I should be sponsored by Trojan
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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