Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
