I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
