We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
