It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
