My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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