guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
