I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
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I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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