My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
