Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
