My first STD was from a foam party
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
