her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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