On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
