plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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