I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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