I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
