i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
