You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize