i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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