did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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