And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
