no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
