i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Randomize
