my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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