Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am one with the molecules
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
