just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
