Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
