somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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