I feel like abortions should bother me more
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
