some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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