One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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