I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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