turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
