Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
