Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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