btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
