hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm just crazy horny about you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
