We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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