kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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