I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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