no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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